It’s 10am I’ve been awake for 16hours that means I woke up at 7pm yesterday after having gone to bed at 10am I think it was, so about 10hours sleep? I really suck at maths but that’s not my point. My sleeping is so screwed up, I just don’t understand it at all. I can only hope being 8hours behind means I’ll somehow switch to California time. I’ve been like this ever since I was little or pretty much all through my teen years, my mum and I argued a lot over me not being a sleep yet at times like 4am-7am.
I mean I get tired obviously but its like my body just refuses to be tired at the right time then come daylight I’m sleepy and pretty dead when my head hits the pillow. I’ve tried different things like staying up all night and going to bed early (like 8pm) but I just end up feeling worse for it. Or trying to go to bed 2hours later everyday for a week. They usually work for a little bit then I have one night where I stay up a little later to watch a film or some TV show and then I am back where I started. I once tried sleeping pills but they made me so tired I slept for nearly 2days. It’s not like I’m not a morning person I quite like it in the morning really and when I do get out of bed I don’t need like hours to really wake up. Perhaps its the lack of things to do or depression but having been like this for at least 10years I just struggle for ideas on how to fix me.
It frustrates me I get so lonely because I am sleeping when every one around me is doing stuff and having a life whereas I am living my life when everyone else is asleep so I have no one to really talk to. I also feel shit because I barely spend any time with Matt at the weekends when I am like this. I just want to be normal.
And the worst part is having to deal with people always making jokes about it or asking me about how I slept things like that, like I want to talk about something that actually makes me depressed. It just pisses me off, is that irrational? :@
